Testimonials from Children Effected by Meth

Ryan • Hamilton County

I remember my father as an amazing person with a love for his family and especially for me. He attended every single one of my baseball games and even coached a few of my teams. He was a good person, and he had a good heart; but, he also had a lot of problems.

He began doing meth around my seventh-grade year. I remember him promising me, one day, that he would see me tomorrow and that we would play catch. The next thing I remember was the priest from our church coming to my grandmother's house and telling us that he had driven my father to a rehab center. For a while, he was able to clean himself up and remain sober. However, after a while, I began noticing changes in him. He was dirty, always late, he always left at nights, and the most painful side effect of his addiction was that I became second place to drugs. After his relapse, I would only see him every two months or so because he was always missing and I was at a boarding school.

One day, to my surprise, my mother and stepfather knocked on the door to my dorm room. They said that there was a family get-together at my grandmother's house; but, I could tell that, because my mom was crying, they had some alternative motives for this particular visit.

When I arrived at my grandmother's house I immediately noticed a somber atmosphere, and again I saw the priest from our church. When they told me that my father had died, I didn't know what to think. So you can only imagine how I felt when they told me he had gotten high on meth and hanged himself.

After that, every aspect of my life changed. My grades went down, I had terrible insomnia, I became confrontational and cold-hearted, I stopped believing that there was a God. I absolutely hated myself, because if your father doesn't even care enough about you to stay alive, then you can't be all that great. Meth changed my dad from being my best friend to a cold, distant, hollow-eyed stranger who put meth before anything else.

My grandparents have been married for 50 years, but since they began blaming each other for my dad's death, they can't even stand to be in the same room together. I've had a lot of bad things happen to me in 16 years, more things than most people will ever have to deal with; but, nothing that has ever happened was as devastating as what meth did to my father, to me, to my family, and what it is doing to every single one of your communities right now.

I had a father, I had a best friend, I had a mentor, a pal, someone to talk to, I had love and I had security; but, meth took that away from me and no one could ever give it back. But there is something that can be done, we can try our best to make sure that no one else has to tell the story that I do, we can try our best to take meth out of our schools and communities, and we can try our best to save peoples' lives.

Karen

Last year my 19-year-old daughter walked into the house and said, 'If I don't leave this place (meaning our community), I am going to die.'

I was blown away. Who was this person masquerading as my sweet, tender-hearted daughter? Was this actually the same girl who used to take naps on my chest in the afternoon as "Mr. Rogers" would lull us both to sleep? The same little girl whose tiny hand used to creep across the front seat of my car and grab mine and silently hold it as we drove down the road? The same little girl I had read bedtime stories to and taken to the park? The one who was so proud to have me be the room mother of her class?

The person standing before me was telling me she was going die! How could this be my daughter? What world had I entered? I had entered the world of a meth addict, and the world of my denial, which in spite of many signs of trouble, I chose to ignore.

Meth is unleashed evil which seduces its users into believing it means them no harm, "it's all right to do it just this one time." Well, "just this one time" is all it takes, and meth rubs its hands in glee as it claims another victim.

We sent our daughter away – two thousands miles away, where she lived with her aunt and uncle for several months. She needed more than a geographical escape from this drug. Moving to California was simply the beginning.

Dealing with the physical aspects of the drug was imperative. Her body was a wreck. God bless my sister-in-law and her husband. She was physically nourished back to health with healthy food, vitamins and rest. But her soul needed nourishment as well.

I am convinced that true recovery is spiritual in nature. A change of heart is necessary in order to truly change a life. I do not discount other aspects of recovery, but I believe too little attention is spent on replacing this drug with something worth living for.

At the risk of being branded a fanatic, religious nut, I must say KNOWING the love of God, His grace and acceptance is what saved our daughter. She has a joy that does not come from drugs, but one that lives inside her. It is visible. Her face glows with the love of God. Meth tried mighty hard to take her life away, but instead she is a beacon of hope to others facing this horrible addiction. In the last year, she has helped many others who have been drawn to her because she understands them.

She has told me stories of when she was using that make me cringe. Her simply being alive is a miracle. We prefer not to live in the past and relive all those dreadful memories, but we visit them from time to time to remind us how close meth came to robbing us of our beautiful daughter and to ensure that we never forget what it can do and what it is still doing to so many others.

Cody • Clay County

Hi, my name is Cody, and I'm a recovering meth addict. I had been on meth for two years and clean for six months. I started using when I was 15. At first it was the best thing in the world. I was strong, confident, untouchable and most of all, happy. Or so I thought. After about eight months, I started dealing meth. I smoked more than I sold and couldn't make a profit. Meth was my life. I kept it a secret, and I thought that nobody knew I was on it except me. I once stayed awake for 18 days on it; on my 17th day I was seeing "shadow people" and was so paranoid I locked myself in the closet in my bedroom with sheets on my windows and the lights off. After I came down, I slept for two days. When I woke up, I was so depressed I ate a bottle of sleeping pills to try to kill myself; I ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped. After that, my parents made me get help. I was a chronic addict. I didn't think I was, but everyone else did. Turns out I was the only one who didn't know I had a problem. I went to treatment for 45 days and when I got out I was a changed man. But after two weeks of being subjected to temptations and old friends, I was back into it. I lost my parents' trust again. My parents would cry because they were losing their son to something that was killing him. After I relapsed, I got back on track, and now I am doing pretty well.

Jessica

I was a meth user for five years, and all it ever brought me was pain and sorrow. During my time using the drug, I was enrolled in a number of rehabilitation programs and juvenile detention facilities throughout West Tennessee, in an effort to kick my habit.

Meth made me fly into fits of rage with people I loved most. And one time, after two weeks of tweaking, I couldn't remember who I had let borrow my car.

My first child was conceived when I was using meth. I continued using until I was two months pregnant, and as soon as I had my child I started using again. I missed the first year of my daughter's life because I was too busy doing dope and tripping.

As long as you keep running with the same crowd, your road as a drug addict is going to be long and dreadful. Until you choose to give up old friends, old hanging places, old habits and old ways, you won't be able to quit. You have to want it for yourself, and you have to make the necessary steps to change your life.

Brittney • Lincoln County

I'm Brittney. I'm 15 years old, and I'm a meth user. I started about three months ago, and I can't let it go. I started it because my friend cooks it. I thought it was harmless when I first tried it. Boy, was I wrong. I just recently lost my best friend; he didn't want to put up with my problems any more. My entire family has given up on me, and I got kicked out of school. I have nobody left. I know this is only the beginning, but I can't stop. It's like meth has taken over my life. Like a slow death, I'm scared of what it's going to do to me, but I can't stop it. If anyone reads this, please take my advice and never do meth.

Anonymous • Madison County

Meth has destroyed so much in my life and in my 5-year-old daughter's life. My ex-husband began using meth while we were married, not to my knowledge. He then wanted a divorce, which I now understand why; but at the time, I couldn't understand it. He began heavily using meth all day, every day for over a year. He lost three jobs. On his weekend visits with our daughter, he was always high; he would buy drugs with her in the car and he has even brought our daughter to his dealer's home (all of this without my knowledge, of course). The last three months or so I really began noticing dramatic changes in him. My daughter no longer wanted to go for her weekend visits, and I knew in my heart that something was wrong. I confronted him about it, and he denied it. I begged him to let me get him help, but he didn't let me. He finally got arrested on possession of meth charges.

He is now looking at five to 20 years in prison, all for this drug. Thankfully though, through God, he has entered a long-term drug treatment program and is slowly recovering. He will have to be away from his daughter and family for at least a year, but it is his only hope for him to get better and not have to go to prison.

I just want to say to anyone out there who may even be considering or anyone who is addicted, there is help out there, and there are people who love you enough to get you the help you need. This is an illness, a disease, but there is hope. Having to protect and shield my daughter from everything that is going on with her dad is the hardest thing in the world for me, as I know it is for him as well. His life is not to be a drug addict; he has a great and bright future ahead of him, and through God, one day that will be possible. I don't understand what or why anyone would want to do this or any other horrible drug - it is ruining lives and families.

Brittany Bowman • Bradley County

My name is Brittany Bowman, and I have been clean for 19 months. Meth made me lose everything.

It started with little things like not being able to eat, buy clothes, pay my bills. It took my child from me, my family, my friends, my home - everything.

Meth is unlike any drug out there. All drugs are bad; but the way meth affects your brain, and the way it makes you absolutely numb to your feelings is unlike anything I have ever experienced. The whole time I used meth I thought I didn't have a problem. I thought I had everything under control.

I started using a little when I was 17 while using other drugs. I got pregnant at age 19, and I quit during my pregnancy and up until my son was seven months old. I went and smoked some pot with someone, and the next day I was back on meth. It was that quick. I had been clean that whole time, and all it took was one joint, and I was ready to get tweaked out on dope!!

That happened in July, and by October of the same year I had lost custody of my precious baby boy. It didn't even faze me that I didn't have him any more. I just kept using. I regained custody in January, but I wasn't clean; I just faked everyone out. I lost my home in April, and by May I had lost my son again.

I started hanging around people manufacturing meth, and was doing "side-work" for them. I got busted at a meth lab, and still didn't quit using. I just kept going and going never once thinking, "Hey! You've got a little boy who needs you!" All I was concerned with was dope, dope, dope.

I looked like a skeleton. I weighed about 100 pounds and was staying up five to eight nights at a time. Finally one day some dope we had tried to cook didn't come out right, and I decided I was sick of using. I physically removed myself from Bradley County and starting getting clean! Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant again.

I am still clean and have two wonderful children – and custody of both. It has taken staying away from old places, and most of all cutting all ties with the people I used to party with. I give all credit to my Heavenly Father! I now run a Mothers and Others Against Methamphetamine Support Group that meets every Tuesday. I just want to help the people who want to quit and don't know how to stay clean. We are having great results!

Mariah

My father is a meth addict.

Before my parents divorced, my father would be gone for a week at a time, and he couldn't keep a job. My mom worked three jobs just to keep the bills paid. My father would steal money from her purse, and take money from mine and my brother's bank accounts. He would steal stuff from family members and pawn it. He would stay awake for days, and then sleep and sleep. He would wave guns around and threaten us.

The people who use drugs don't realize the effect that their drug abuse has on everyone in their lives. Even though my father isn't in my life any more, his drug abuse is something that will affect me for the rest of my life.

Amanda • Dyer County

I began meth when I was about 15 years old. I stopped when I was 19. I first was around it when I was at a party, and was offered it. I tried it. I fell in love with meth the very first time. I thought to myself, "This is the way that I want to feel forever." The first month I hardly slept, hardly ate and became so dependent on this drug. I began dealing meth to get the money I needed to buy it. Finally it was like I became so accustomed to it that I was unable to sleep, eat and function just like everyone else. When I wasn't high, I was going into a deep depression; I was violent and I would have done anything to get meth. I tried to quit a few times, but always got sucked back in. The truth is, I never wanted to quit. Why would I want to give up something that made me feel so good? I went from 140 pounds to 100 pounds in a matter of months. It was a regular thing that my friends and I would go rent a hotel room for the weekend and have an ounce of dope to smoke.

I finally came to my mom and told her that I was using meth, and I couldn't quit without some help. After not being on it for a couple of days I was kicking myself, thinking, "How stupid am I to tell my mom that?" I was dying just to have a smoke. Now that I'm 20, I am no longer on that stuff; I have a family now. The cravings still have not gone away. I still have a huge paranoia of the dark. I still think that I see some shadow people when I'm outside at night. I can't even imagine what my mother went through with my rehab. I pray to God that my son will never get into that.

Michelle McNabb • Knox County

I first used meth when I was 18 years old. I had already left home and almost dropped out of school. By my 20th birthday I was in jail for the second time on meth charges. I didn't know how to stop. I had no control over my life any more. My relationships with my family were non-existent. I was being abused by my boyfriend. I tried suicide, but I failed at that. I was ready to die and only after a little over a year of using meth. Someone far greater than me needed me to stay in this world. I was put in a drug court program and given a chance at recovery. It opened my eyes to a world that I was dead to. I was awakened to a new light. I have been clean for two years now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. If you know someone who is on meth, just pray for them. Let the police know your suspicions.

Anonymous

I'm 14 years old, and I used meth for about three months.

I never thought that it would destroy my life, but soon I was stealing money from my parents and shoplifting, often selling the things I stole to support my horrible habit. I was never at home. I was always lying to my parents. I was so violent. I didn't care about anything – even myself. The only thing I cared about was meth. Then one night I started spraging – seeing and hearing and feeling things that weren't there – and I picked at my skin for hours. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. I thank God every day that my friend helped me quit.